The Jersey Aisle Meltdown Every New Soccer Fan Has This Summer (And the Simple Fix)

So many colors. So many rules you didn't know existed. One way out.

There is a specific look on the face of a brand-new soccer fan standing in a jersey aisle for the first time. Retail workers this summer know it well. It is the look of someone realizing they have opinions they cannot yet explain.

Home kit or away kit? This year's or a classic? Name on the back or blank? Each question spawns three more, and everyone within earshot has a passionate stance. New fans report entering stores for 'a shirt' and leaving ninety minutes later, changed.

The unwritten rules only deepen the crisis. Longtime fans will tell you a jersey is a commitment, not an outfit — you're choosing a side of your own story. No pressure, says the twelve-year-old next to you who clearly already knows exactly what she wants.

The fix, according to the wisest heads in the aisle: buy the one you can't stop looking at. This summer's World Cup across the US, Mexico and Canada is minting millions of first jerseys. Decades from now, nobody remembers the price. Everybody remembers the shirt.